Shattered Sun

Today was a rough day for Jayson and I. I know, everyone has those days, but it still aches. We fought, but not one of those, “gosh, I hate you” fights. It’s more of a fight over the differences that make us unique. While we are each other’s greatest pleasure & happiness, sometimes we are each other’s greatest torment. I am old. Not physically, but mentally. I am often mistaken for someone in their 30s till people find out how young I am or see me in person. I don’t have a great need to be young, either. I haven’t been young since before I can remember. My mother was a single parent and I helped with my brothers. It wasn’t about having to grow old, it’s just that someone had to help out. I don’t blame my mother one bit, either. We all do what we have to do in this life. Sometimes it hurts the people we love the most, even when we don’t mean it to. But they grow, they learn, and they love you just the same. As more than one of my friends can attest, I hurt people in my life all the time. While I regret hurting people, I don’t intentionally do it. I just want everyone to see things my way. I know that’s crazy, but when it comes to some things, that’s how I am. Like money. I am not a frivilous person. You have to talk me into buying things that I don’t “need” or feel that I need. If I can justify it as for someone else, then I’m okay. But I can’t waste money for the sake of me. I want everyone to be that way, even though I know it’s not possible. Jayson is definitely not that way. He’s very much okay with spending money on himself and that’s not all together a bad thing. It’s just different and it grates on me everytime. I’ve learned to deal with it, but there are times when it gets the best of me. Today was one of those days. In the end, we made up and both agreed that it was a mutual failing. I’m too old and he’s too young even though we’re the same physical age. Sometimes I wonder how we make it through this life.

He asked what he did to deserve me. I told him that he must have pissed off the devil!

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 11th, 2004 at 11:00 pm and is filed under About a Girl. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.